her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
