Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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