you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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