mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
