I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
