why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
