i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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