That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
