And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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