hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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