she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
