Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
