She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
