Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
