Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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