I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
