I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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