do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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