can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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