what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
