Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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