is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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