My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
