You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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