he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
