Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
