Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
