Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
