we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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