Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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