I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
