and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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