I just saw a hot homeless man
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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