Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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