ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The air was thick with penises
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
