I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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