but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
