Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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