When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's get the cat blown out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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