Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
