Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
