apparently the secret to your success is patron
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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