man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
