I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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