Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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