just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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