We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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