if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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