You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
