I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
