I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
