you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
