Just fell off a train. Bad.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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