Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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