We won't sleep together?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
