I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
