Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
