wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
