saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
