We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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