Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
