I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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