it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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