having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
