im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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