She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
