All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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