whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
