yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
