Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
