The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We need a shit load of segways right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
