so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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