how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
